Ubuntu: Ulterior Urchin

You gonna get served

Like an unwanted house guest, this spiky, slow-moving and antisocial being is known to insert itself into otherwise harmonious discourse. Urchins often act as obstacles and have been known to derive sustenance and even pleasure from disrupting unity wherever it is encountered. It spends its whole life by deceiving others and spreading negativity.


Ulterior Urchins are members of the phylum trollata. This is not a well-know fact, as urchins are able to mimic characteristics the phylum majorata and confuse the public into thinking that they speak for the masses.

Historically, locals have referred to the Ulterior Urchin by their Aboriginal name, uu’wana (/ʊˈvɑːnɑː/ oo-vah-nah). Uu’wana are notorious for causing injury to local surfing communities. Urchin beds disrupt the unity between the surfers. In recent times they have infested much of the world wide waters (www).


The feet of uu’wana are located on the oral side of the body very close to the mouth. Thus, when trying to conduct any sort of movement, the process is thought of as the urchin “running its mouth.”

Save for the location of the feet, the mouth and the anus sides on the uu’wana are virtually identical. The mouth lies on the lower surface or oral side, while the anus is located on the upper side.

Uu’wana are covered in sharp, rigid spines that ward off friends, family, and other creatures that care to know more about the urchin.

Reproductive organs
Unlike other urchins, uu’wana are monoecious, and hence contain both male and female reproductive organs. They are capable of intake and output of the negativity gamete.


Although these creatures are often found in clusters resembling a mine field (urchin beds), uu’wana are very antisocial. The reproduction process is, thus, nothing short of a miracle. Proper cognitive evolution would actually see the end of this bizarre species. The urchins slowly flock to urchin beds under the false pretext of wanting to commune, and eject their negativity into the surrounding waters in hopes of reproducing. Unaware of the ulterior motives of others, uu’wana are continually fooled into reproducing other’s negativity. The negativity is taken in by the unsuspecting urchins in the bed and is either spewed back out into the public waters or internalized resulting in further production. The negative gametes of uu’wana can typically pass through about ten nearby urchins before being internalized. The urchin beds that uu’wana shamelessly flock to often give off the false impression of a major community. In reality, urchin beds are a result of a very potent minority that wishes to spread its negativity.

Precautionary Measures and Remediation

One must learn to spot the Ulterior Urchin and take precautionary steps to inhibit its infiltration into healthy communities. Look for signs of unfounded hatred and generally bristly behaviour. If an Ulterior Urchin should find its way into your community, you can utilize the “unity” antidote, which effectively links local ecosystems together with a seamless shell-creature presence that naturally wards off the urchins.


Co-conspirator: Randall Ross

Sea Urchin

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